"My humility is legend."

"Rap artists are called that because they have a sheet with the same name."

"Invention has no answer key and, therefore, is not taught in schools. Schools only teach the right way. Not necessarily the best way."

"Governments produce nothing -- barring 'misery' in most cases."

"Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst Liberals."

LIBERAL def. "A guy who goes to see a movie on Saturday night and reads The New York Times on Sunday to see if he liked it."

”Any fantasy beats any reality - anytime!”

"Sex and Love -- I always get those two mixed up."

"Be patient with the people you meet. It takes time to
discover how little you have in common with them."

“I believe climate change is responsible for climate change. That's gonna be really hard to stop.”

"There's nothing worse than getting married right before you meet the girl of your dreams. I hate it when that happens."

"I just played John Cage's 4:33 really fast.
It only took 3:58!"

"Why is it the people most in need of mental help are the ones offering it?"

"Love is very expensive."

"Things improve with age ...... when you're two."

"I spent yesterday listening to serialism and atonality.
Today I was introduced to musiqué concrete.
Tomorrow I will commit suicide. I need the lift."

"Organized religion is a replacement for ecstasy — a bureaucratic placeholder for an empty soul."

"The older I get, the more I love children. They are
everything I wish to become."

"Sex is not about size. It's about aim."

"I am convinced that women would buy an appendectomy if it were on sale."

"I had a very funny thought yesterday.
Today, nothing."